Letting Go & Holding On
by RubyMaranello
Summary: This started off as a quick one shot and turned into a very long one shot because I didn't want to end it. SP pairing set after Sweet Revenge. Rating is for language of a sexual nature.


None of these characters belong to me, they are the property of TalkbackThames

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"You've got no idea what happened today have you?" Sam was furious and only just managing to keep a lid on it.

"Well I think we got a result that you've wanted for about seven years." Phil felt slightly confused, they'd got a good result, he'd helped in the arrest what more could she possibly want?

"Trust." Sam almost spat out the word.

"What about it?" Now he was really confused.

"That's what I want in the team. People I can trust." Some more rational part of her brain was telling Sam that Phil was one of the few people in the world she really did trust with her life, she just wasn't sure she trusted him with her career.

"Sam, I think after all we've been through you know you can trust me." He was getting angry now, surely after the two of them had been shot at, _twice_, and come through it together, unhurt and clinging to each other, she couldn't be wondering whether she could trust him. _But_ said a little voice in the back of his head, _she couldn't trust you could she? When it came down to it she couldn't trust you not to break her heart_.

"If we're going work together you're going to have to get used to me being your boss." Sam knew she wasn't really saying what she meant, what she meant was that their relationship history didn't afford Phil special privileges.

"Ah, so that's what this is all about, now you're DI we have to play by different rules." He couldn't believe she was pulling rank on him.

"I can't have you jeopardising a case. You compromised our _professional_ relationship today." Sam knew she was heading into dangerous territory by pulling rank with Phil, she could jeopardise their _personal_ relationship.

"Don't you think you're getting…"

"What? Over emotional?" _How dare he turn this back on her?_

"No, I was going to say getting things out of perspective, but now you come to mention it." Phil was stunned that Sam was being so unreasonable, when they'd been the same rank she'd reined him in occasionally but she knew he was a good copper and turned a blind eye to get results.

"It came good today, but from now on no more Phil Hunter solo excursions.

No more lies. Is that understood?" Now she really was on dangerous ground.

"Yeah I understand, but I just need to get a few things straight in my head, if that's okay with you _Guv_." Phil knew he was about to do something very stupid but all the pent up frustrations of the past few months had come bubbling to the surface and Sam had pushed all the right buttons to bring it into the open.

"Go on," Sam was almost afraid of what would happen next, she knew Phil well enough to know he was really angry, but she was determined not to let him see how scared she was. She held his gaze, her blue eyes locked on his green ones, daring him to carry on.

"Well I noticed that you weren't too concerned about our professional relationship when you were sucking on my cock and swallowing my cum." Phil kept his voice level, Sam opened her mouth to speak but she was too furious to get the words out. He took advantage of her silence.

"You didn't seem overly worried when I was fucking you from behind and you were screaming my name, when you were sitting on my dick and I made you cum so hard you thought you'd die from that feeling." Phil saw the change in Sam's eyes and he was ready for her as she raised her hand to slap him.

"How dare you bring that into this?!" Sam raised her hand and Phil caught her by the wrist, for what seemed like an eternity they glared at each other. Phil pulled Sam towards him and kissed her, furiously, desperately, he was scared of what would happen if they stopped kissing, and somewhere in his head a little voice was telling him he'd just sexually assaulted his DI.

Sam's mind was spinning, she was too stunned to do anything, and her wrist tingled where Phil was still holding on to her the feel of his lips on hers sent shudders through her body. A part of her was absolutely furious with him and wanted to push him away from her and file a report for harassment. Another part of her couldn't help but kiss him back and it felt just as good as it had in Romania, hot and passionate and like she'd never be able to get enough of him.

It took Phil a fraction of a second to realise that Sam was kissing him back and he let go of her wrist and wound his arms around her waist forcing her back into the filing cabinet. Sam ran her fingers through Phil's hair, pulling at it slightly in her desperation to be closer to him, the feel of his body against hers was making her wet and she could feel his cock pressing against her thigh. She was dimly aware that they were in her office and the whole of CID was having a party on the other side of a very thin wall, but she was too lost in the moment to care what anyone thought or how it would look if someone burst in on them.

Phil grabbed Sam by the hips and pulled her even closer to him totally intoxicated by the smell of her skin and the taste of her lips. Sam gasped as Phil's teeth grazed her bottom lip and the sound made his eyes snap open and he was surprised to find that Sam was staring back at him.

"What?" Phil pulled away from her slightly.

"I was just wondering what would happen if somebody came in."

"Oh, right, so you're not having second thoughts and planning to have me transferred?" Phil was back to being confused.

"No. I like you right where you are." Sam pulled Phil back towards her and slipped her hand under his shirt, tracing her fingers along his spine making him arch his back. Phil bent to kiss her neck and slid his hand up her thigh, running his fingers against the lace of her knickers under her skirt. Sam gasped as a delicious tingle of pleasure ran through her body, any thoughts of anyone bursting in on them had passed, she didn't care what would happen if someone did, all that mattered was getting enough of Phil.

"Has anybody seen the DI?" Sam and Phil heard Mickey shout from the other side of the door.

"Shit." Phil moved away from Sam and set about tucking his shirt in. Sam didn't move, her eyes locked on the door handle waiting to see if Mickey was planning on coming in.

"Sam dragged Phil into her office for a ticking off, but that was a while ago. I've not seen them since." Jo's voice drifted through the door.

"Maybe neither of them were in the party spirit after that." Mickey's voice sounded like it was moving away from the office.

"What is it with those two anyway?" Asked Jo.

Sam and Phil glanced at each other intrigued, they hadn't realised they were thought of as 'those two'.

"They're only happy if they're either screwing or screaming at each other." Mickey sounded flippant and Sam made a mental note to make sure he spent the next day directing traffic.

"I hadn't realised they were an item." Terry piped up.

"What you've never noticed all the sexual tension and the atmosphere you could cut with a knife? They're a couple they just haven't worked it out yet. One day they'll live happily ever after and peace will reign in CID and we might all have to do some work."

Sam glanced at Phil caught between wanting to go out there and shout at them all and wanting to be back in Phil's arms feeling his body against hers and picking up from where they'd left off. Phil knew full well that the two of them would have to sit it out they couldn't go back into the main CID office now.

"Anyway, is anyone up for the pub?" Mickey asked.

There seemed to be a general cheer of approval and Phil and Sam heard people starting to leave.

Phil glanced at Sam he could feel her breath on his neck and smell her warm vanilla perfume, he brushed his lips gently against hers waiting to see if she'd respond to him. Sam could feel her body starting to tingle again, her slim fingers reached to unbutton his Armani shirt exposing his toned, tanned chest, she dropped kisses onto each inch of flesh as she uncovered it. Phil slid his hands under Sam's skirt feeling the wet gusset of her knickers, which made his desire for her increase. Sam pulled off Phil's shirt and was pleased to find he looked just as good as she remembered, she ran her fingers over his broad shoulders and traced the shape of his biceps, she could feel his heart racing and knew hers was doing the same. Phil pulled Sam's skirt over her slim hips and slipped his hands into her knickers expertly finding her clitoris and stroking it just the way he knew she liked it, her tiny gasps of pleasure turning him on even more. Sam unbuckled Phil's belt and unzipped his trousers, he was hard and ready for her and as she let his trousers drop to the floor Phil lifted her up and entered her. Sam wrapped her legs around Phil's waist and gasped as she felt the full length of him inside her. They pulled desperately at each other's hair and their mouths clashed in hot hungry kisses, as they fell into a rhythm that was frantic and passionate. Sam could feel her orgasm building as she rocked against Phil and she bit down on his shoulder to stop herself from crying out. The sharp graze of Sam's teeth against his skin made Phil thrust even harder into her, a trickle of sweat ran down his back and he knew he couldn't hold on much longer, he could feel Sam's breathing quicken and knew she was close too. They came together, staring into each other's eyes and holding tight to each other's bodies, sweat beads forming on their skin. As their breathing slowed, they looked away from each other, slightly unsure of what would happen next.

Phil put Sam down, gently setting her on the floor, then bending down to pull up his boxers and trousers. Sam began the search for her knickers and found them on top of her filing cabinet, half smiling she picked them up and stuffed them into her handbag, pulling her skirt straight she turned to look at Phil. Her blue eyes locked on his green ones and she smiled shyly at him.

Phil decided to speak first, the silence was driving him mad.

"So DI Nixon, where do we go from here?" His tone was light; he didn't want to give too much away in case she rejected him again.

"I don't know." Sam felt confused, she felt cold and vulnerable. Phil gave her an infuriated look, they'd been here before and he knew exactly where things were heading.

"Don't look at me like that Phil. I don't know how you do it but every time I think I've got you and me sorted out in my head you do something to turn it all upside down." Sam's heading was spinning and looking at Phil's handsome face and naked broad shoulders wasn't helping.

"I didn't see you forcing me away Sam." Phil was right back where he started, feeling confused and slightly used. He decided to lay how he felt on the line, "I like you Sam, more than like, and I think you have feelings for me too, but I can't just be an occasional one night stand to you. If I can't have all of you then I don't know if I can carry on watching you every day and not touching you, not having you." He felt exposed and was terrified of what would happen next.

"But we don't work Phil, we tried it and it doesn't work."

"We never really gave it a shot Sam, you dumped me before we really got started. I'm asking you to trust me, to believe I won't ever do anything to hurt you." Phil stared into her eyes, begging her to see how he really felt about her. "I want you to look at me and trust me the way you did in Romania, trust me to protect you always."

"I don't know if I can." Sam looked down she was terrified of the whole situation.

"I would never hurt you Sam, but I need something from you, I need us to be more than friends who keep ending up having sex. Its not fair on either of us." Phil knew he was being brutally honest and that it could backfire.

"I can take getting my heart broken, I'm a big girl Phil, I'm just not sure I can take getting my heart broken by you."

"So where does that leave us?" Phil thought he could see a ray of hope, if she was worried he'd break her heart then she definitely more than liked him.

"I don't know." Sam sat down at her desk and rested her head in her hands. Phil watched her for a moment before wandering over to Neil Manson's desk and locating the key taped to the inside of the top drawer, he used it to open Neil's filing cabinet and took out a bottle of scotch and two tumblers. Sam looked up in amazement as she heard the liquid being poured into the glasses. "How did you know that was there?" She couldn't help but ask.

"Neil and I had a drink after Zain was arrested, I remembered where he kept the key." Phil shrugged and handed her a glass, as she took it from him their fingertips touched and the contact sent a tingle through his body, he knew Sam felt it too by her sharp in take of breath. Their eyes locked and in that instant Sam knew something had changed forever between them, that they couldn't go back to being just good friends and colleagues, that they had to either give it a go or stop fooling around for good.

Phil watched Sam's hands trembling before taking them in his own and kissing her fingertips. "I can't promise I'll be perfect Sam, but I can promise I'll do everything in my power to make sure I don't hurt you. Sometimes you'll yell at me and sometimes we'll fight but I would never intentionally hurt you."

"But what if it doesn't work, what happens then?"

"You can't live your life on what ifs Sam. You've spent so long trying not to be hurt that you've stopped living. But if it doesn't work then I'll put in for immediate transfer and you'll never have to see me again."

"I don't know if I could cope with that. With never seeing you again." Sam muttered, staring at their interlocked fingers.

"Well I'll have to try really hard not to screw up then." Phil whispered in her ear.

"Promise?" Sam looked straight into Phil's eyes as if she was trying to see into his soul.

"Promise." Phil pulled Sam towards him and kissed her as if he was never going to let her go.


End file.
